I will be very direct here, you have autism and your partner does not. At a routine healthcare visit, a doctor should be able to find early symptoms of autism before a child reaches the age of 2 years. The first one, is My Introduction To Autism. His mother, my girlfriend, repeatedly says his name hoping that this will be the time he turns around and smiles. There are signs that parents, teachers and carers can look out for if they think that a child may have autism: Difficulty with social interaction and communication. Especially to an older adult who to me it is blatantly obvious can not manage his condition as he ages. In 90% of cases, the autistic individual in a relationship would be high functioning Autism/Aspergers (Support level 2 and 3 individuals are rarely seen in relationships) and in 75% of the cases your spectrum partner is a male. That real change in personaits called masking. I would have never known all of this, would have never even gotten the chance to find out had I not started dating my wife, and learned and experienced all of the things that have brought us to this point. I have days of elation and happiness in my friendship with my autistic male who is my beloved one. If you are already in that vein of thinking maybe you would have less difficulties having a relationship with another autistic person. 1 Many children show symptoms of autism by 12 months to 18 months of age or earlier. Yet, these feelings are invisible to outsiders because they rarely show them the way typical people do. Mildly autistic people are unable to . I had started researching narcissistic personality disorder (it was that bad) to try to understand what I was dealing with before realising this. I NEVER felt married, only as though I had adopted a 13yr old juvenile delinquent brat. That requires an active and cognisant decision to use behaviour to achieve a goal. Hi folks, for Sj and others. Getting rid of him, was the best decision I ever made. But my feelings are my issue and not hers as she communicates. I (25F) have an amazing girlfriend (21F). A clear indication that she/he may have given up on you. For example, autistic people tend to be far more straightforward and truthful than are neurotypicals. Hi, what I see is that the article has some flaws; its not entirely accurate or inaccurate. I had dated other people with children and had done fine with them. There is no cure for autism, but there are therapies that can help create foundational skills for your child to build on as they grow and develop. For me, whilst there have been great times and I see so much good in him, its such a toxic dynamic that I can no longer try to work with. More importantly, youll never know if the person you are interested in is the right person for you if you dont take that step. Signs include difficulties with new social situations at school. Youve made mistakes too, and probably worse ones! I dont know about you, but back when I was on the dating scene I was looking for the right person to spend my future with. Understand that the needs of an autistic child HAS to come first. My girlfriend is a wonderful person and has lots of great qualities but there are things that just dont seem quite right in conversations or the way she misses subtleties and often can be a million miles away in conversation, she finds it hard to initiate conversations and often doesnt know what to say in a situation, otherwise she is very clever And when it does, do you love that individual enough to be able to deal with it and steer the relationship through the turbulent tides onto sunny shores? Unless you want to shift your priorities to prove her wrong, there isnt much point, When you believe the relationship is doing you more harm than good, When your condition is only worsening over time and the relationship is partly to blame, When the relationship is beginning to take a serious negative toll on your mental health, If you are subject to domestic violence and assault. Apologies for length of this post but I needed to methodically show all the different aspects of our very autistic relationship and what it entails. If you really believe your girlfriend is autistic, focus on the strengths that Autism Spectrum Disorder brings to a relationship! Im sure I would love that child, in my own way, but Im sorry David, I will never love you. I don t want to contine meeting him. She tells everyone you are normal and just going through a phase, but even a slight understanding of this disorder reveals you to be an obvious case. Yes there are additional time constraints which can be challenging. Another, person said, run for the hills. Then we both need to pull out and be alone from each other for six days, as again mutual communication drains us, overpowers us, unbalances us, and we even get bouts of skin rash, both of us, if we get too near each other, physically, mentally or emotionally. We watch from the sidelines knowing if we say something that lets you know we know, you will be unable to handle it. She may give the excuse that people usually dont understand shorter explanations, so she pre-emptively repeats the verbiage in the same dump. Thank you for your comment Chess! It was impossible so what else could it be to refuse addressing issues at the expense of our relationship? Its called getting taken advantage of. When dealing with an autistic loved one, it is all too easy to go into "fix it" mode. The head-size difference is "the first known neurobiological early-warning sign of autism," says Eric Courchesne, who conducted the study with colleagues at the University of California, San . emulsifying wax uses in cosmetics; ford fiesta steering wheel cover; apple annual report 2022 pdf; mosquito coil pregnancy; wisconsin drunk driving deaths The most-up-to-date estimate is 3:1. Theres truth in what you are saying but youve removed all nuiance. They get frustrated with me for either not being interested in what they are talking about, and/or get bored with me talking incessantly about whatever cool thing I am into or interested in. On closer look, however, there is something amiss. I am grateful every day for my children, what they teach me and how they have allowed me to grow. Not long ago I was the one looking at dating an autism parent. They come in a variety of animals, such as monkeys, turtles, unicorns, dogs, pigs, and even a simple star or heart. The very fact that you claim your ex husbands behaviour changed after you got married makes me question your assertion that he was autistic because typically autistic peoples behaviour doesnt change like that since autistic people dont typically put on a nice persona which they wear for long periods of time so that they can manipulate others into doing what they like only to then to suddenly switch back to their autistic symptoms. Answers from hundreds of doctors about benign to serious symptoms. After getting your responses and gathering some information through your answers to our questions, it seems right to say that your child has Autism. The above signs are not complete as far as subtle signs of autism, nor are they to be regarded as diagnostic. I have no problem with her going to the store and watching him, because I KNOW he isn't going to make a loud sound while she's gone. Wheres mommy? Early symptoms often noted by parents include delayed speech, restricted interests, not responding to his or her name, and avoiding eye contact. He was so different, which drew me to him initially. In my personal experience, this article holds true 100%. Besides people see through it anyways! Expresses a lot of dis-ease about visitors sitting in her furniture. What he felt like eating, when he wanted to call me (which would be 29 seconds telling me me cant talk at work) and then all kinds of excuses came up. During a meltdown, stay calm, give children space, avoid saying too much, and wait. You are lying to yourself. In return, I do all the maintenance of our friendship, as I am the one who always initiates our bouts of communication via messaging every six days. If theres things that arent right for you talk about them. I know Dr. of Psychology that wouldnt try to diagnose another person without putting them through comprehensive testing. When you have a better understanding of the behaviors themselves, you can then take that knowledge and apply it to the individual. I need to understand better how to communicate effectively with my partner, not to be told just be prepared for it to fail. The first part of our relationship started with mostly phone calls, texts and emails. Remember, your partner is taking a big decision to stick around with you no matter what. The day I find one, I would be very curious to know what worked for them.. I have terribly dark days. I have learned this from ASD individuals themselves.some ASD are mean and abusive to other ASD. Did I want most of my free time spent doing things for someone else, or simply doing what I wanted to do? Lorna Wing (renowned psychiatrist and co-founder of our charity's first diagnosis centre) found in her . Hello, I'm posting here because I am hoping someone may be able to help us understand. He's high functioning autistic, 8 years old, and at the risk of sounding like an asshole, he's a fucking jerk. The condition affects four times as many boys as girls. Im Autistic and Heres Why I Go into Blank Stare Mode, An Autism Cure Is Like Removing the Symbiont in Star Trek. This will help you have an idea what your girlfriend is dealing with. I have thrown things away from everyone. She continues, Not just picky but disliking groups of things based on texture, preferring to eat the same things frequently, being diligent to always stock specific foods in their house/traveling with specific foods, combining strange foods together often, not being open to changes in food (for example, if Im expecting to order sushi for dinner and my favorite restaurant ends up being closed, I no longer want to eat at all).. An example would be, I dont think we should hike on that trail. Im a terrible person for voicing this type of opinion. Trust me, the leopard cant change its spots. I think that having a person in your space leaves little traces of that person behind, such as their scent on the chair. They do not see your point of view on anything. Problems forming friendships. It may come across as a charming quirk (and I myself do it), but its a well-known trait of Autism Spectrum. Do NOT offer advice right away no matter how much youve read! Yesterday, you were in the room with us as your mom and I had sex. Cant stand when different foods on her plate touch each other. And just because someone is autistic doesnt mean they get along better with other autistic people. I was a parent myself. I know that in the end, it is a package deal and I will continue to feign intrigue in you because I care about your loving mother so much. They might better understand where another autistic person is coming from in some situations, but definitely not all because no two people think alike whether theyre on the spectrum or not. Wears rings for the purpose of fiddling with them or has a chew necklace. When talking, especially explaining something, shell pull in details that have no relevance. Wow. My daughter won't stop "dry humping"! I am back to greet him, happy to have him as a good loyal friend in my life. Because the autistic mind is tuned so well to detail, this, too, can lead to over-explaining. This article needs to be revised/updated or removed for its blatant misinformation. Copyright 2020 | Regarding Reptiles: All Rights Reserved, Not to mention the challenges of finding a sitter for a special needs child in order to go out on a date, Some may not even exhibit this behavior at all! Weve been working at it for decades and nothing has ever worked for very long. For instance, she may say she hears women nearby brushing their hair or hears conversations across the room as loudly as the one in front of herself. Im an NT and been with a highly functioning autistic male. If you were violently assaulted for a meltdown would you do it again? It helps to look up articles by autistic people (which usually paint a more accurate picture than articles by non-autistic people). Frankly I think you have a personality disorder too because you think that this sentence is appropriate and sympathetic Getting rid of him, was the best decision I ever made. Human get rid of rubbish, they divorce people. Relationships with someone with autism are also tough. As an autistic child, he doesn't need to be physically disciplined. Now I want to pass that knowledge and experience on to you. I can see everyone commenting in this page has his / her / their point. I had a really hard time seeing what was really going on, plus I wanted to believe what she would say. Could it be possible that you were dating a narcissist? I hear you, and I hope that I never have an autistic or handicapped child of my own. I am awaiting a diagnosis for ADHD myself, so I dont believe I am NT, but I do believe in most cases that it would be healthier for both parties if those with autism were in a relationship with someone else who has autism. Forget how shallow I would have to be to reject someone simply because of a diagnosis their child has. Intense Eye Contact What many people don't realize is that some Autistics make too much eye contact or tend to have an intense gaze. I have reprimanded him before, and all he did was fold his arms and cry. I trust he loves me, because we are both still together after many years. Are you a diagnosed narcissist? When you take the uniqueness of an individual coupled with the uniqueness of the diagnosis, you truly appreciate it when they say that if youve met one person with autism youve met one person with autism! As I stated above, take the time to learn all you can about autism and the associated behaviors. When your girlfriend talks, especially an explanation, does she have a tendency to repeat the last line? Being a single autism parent can be a lonely job. Women with Autism are not boring at all, you just have to show a little bit of interest in things they care about, she, in turn, will open a whole new world for you. For many many years before Sno was diagnosed I got told that she was "just shy" or "very serious". She looks so normal." While the speaker might view this as a compliment, most parents of a child on the spectrum . All Rights Reserved. Surely thats it? The most pure hearted being I ever knew for the first few years. The more I read about it, the more I see aspergers in my girlfriend: No empathy Hypersensivity to smells, tastes, textures and hates people sitting too close to her. This may sound ridiculous to you, but to the child its their entire world. Set REASONABLE boundaries on what is acceptable, and on what influence a new person can have on your child. When we actually see each other four times or five a year during half an hour each time it is such a powerful overwhelming experience that we have often cancelled, or postponed, our meetings, both unable to face the excessive upheaval. She is probably best alone which hurts me to say because I love and care about her. Fr. However, you should always consult professionals to get a better understanding of such matters. Its not ok to call other adults names or to hurt others because you feel attacked. His mother, my girlfriend, repeatedly says his name hoping that this will be the time he turns around and smiles. This guest post is by Kerry Magro, a motivational speaker, best-selling author who's on the autism spectrum. So, Flip That Around! It is crucial for a partner, either on the spectrum or not, to truly be open and honest with one another. Insists on plans and predictable routines. Easy there! Sorry but this person is right, there are a lot of NT people who are malicious and downright manipulative people and feed off the generosity and the black and white understanding of the world. Impressive! Im also reminded that I was in your shoes once. Don't say: "You'd never know by looking at her that she has autism! Some have super-strict morning rituals while others are more flexible. This is a two way street, and I being the autistic wife, had to learn cues and I have learned not to be afraid to ask my partner to explain situations or emotions they are feeling. Most certainly it would, the question is, WHEN? Here are a few words of wisdom for: Only one advise for individuals with Autism in a relationship: Just listen to your partner. The outcome of this test is purely suggestive and must not be, under any . Say for example you have a child who is blind. Straightforward information on fitness, exercise and fat loss. He is autistic and his communication skills are very poor. Lots of info there! Theyre direct and wont leave you guessing. Does Learning Everything Make You Good at Nothing? But diagnosing someone with autism just because they didnt share your experience and expressed their own is uncalled for. I have seen this in my spouses family, the denial is huge and has not even started as they are oblivious to their condition. So listen to her/him, she has the best interests of the family in mind.. The insist on looking me directly in the eyes. Lisa, I am responding to your comment about how everything is great for awhile and then they lash out towards you. Method 1 Understanding Autism 1 Read about autism online. They confirmed their theory that autistic women tend to be less interested in sex than typical women or autistic men. 1. Talking to other parents of children with autism may also help you feel less alone (the NAS has a parent-to-parent service: 0808 800 4106). Hi! She suspects she might be autistic after running through a few online tests and reading about autism, but self diagnosis is always subjective. You get resentful and bitter when you are treated like garbagewhat goes around comes around. Lots of women report feeling absolutely isolated in the relationship and in time very lonely. Two Autistic Women Explain Why They Avoid Eye Contact. When someone has ASD, they may not be as affectionate as you might like, and may act. Various studies suggest that the ratio of autistic males to females ranges from 2:1 to 16:1. Marriage and relationships are a pain in the butt, but hard work and dedication sees many through all the tough times. It often manifests as repetitive body movement and is common among people on the autism spectrum. I watch and observe and this also happens with her family. They are only checkpoints to be used as guidance. Two simple words, understand autism, and yet there are countless books, blogs, and other material about the subject. Has made comments like, Being around people taxes me.. Either of you fails in this, the relationship is also likely to fail. Now that we understand dating someone with an autistic child means there will be very limited time, what do we do about it? But once he was busy at his families house there was barely any talk nor did he ask about how my day was. Works hard in silence to mend my roof, my broken window, my damp wall, my decaying fence. I am on the spectrum (a late revelation for me) and just from reading your words, its almost like reading a different language. This could be a sign of that person being hypersensitive to sensory sensations, which can be a component of autism, says Dr. Myszak. He's high functioning autistic, 8 years old, and at the risk of sounding like an asshole, he's a fucking jerk. We already discussed the private questions and considerations we all have, so were not going to have a morality discussion too. Seasoned NTs see right through you. That said, a neurotypical has no understanding without huge amounts of schooling to be able to recognize neurodivergence. We dont all flap our hands or stare at ceiling fans. Its not that I can deal with him in order to be with my wife. Too remote. She wouldnt necessarily lack eye contact like is commonly believed she may have unusual eye contact of varying types, says Dom Silvera, a woman diagnosed with autism at 44. I understand you a los, for have just meet an autistic man, and all his atencin made me be very interested in him. If they cant be changed with time and trying different ways any they are deal breakers then you need to talk about that and how thats why to need to part. This site may contain third-party advertisements and links to third-party sites. Every single person is unique, and autism affects each person in a different way. Not every autistic woman avoids eye contact. Additionally, it is known that autists have a higher risk of being abused due to their autistic traits (inability to recognize when being manipulated, willingness to trust, etc.). There is appropriate guidance on this site around violence and a little around self care but by and large, the damning message of autism presented is just untrue. One thing that we cannot solve and would appreciate advice on is her constant "dry humping" on our legs, furniture, toys and floor. Person & # x27 ; t Miss: Does Lionel Messi have Autism is currently around weeks Share 50/50 custody my girlfriend has an autistic child him have got very strained 8 year old learning. You destroy her and everyone around you. She has always suffered from learning disabilities, hard time focusing, has to have a routine, goes Richard Han Pediatrician Post-Doctoral Degree 4,260 satisfied customers I think my niece has autism. Also, Neurotypicals are completely baffled by the fact that I hyperfocus on something to the point that I cant hear them talking to me. Unexpected changes in plans leave her edgy, upset or argumentative. Misinterpretation of conversations. You have to be worth the stress an autistic child may have over the change of you being around AND most autism parents want to feel secure that you will continue being around, or else they will have to face the stress of THAT change should you ever leave. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. For us friendship is the best structure to thrive in, not to get hurt again so we are developing friendship very slowly. If youre simply wondering if your girlfriend is autistic, then theres a good chance that she is. Talks to preschool kids with an adult voice. Ill admit, his interests might be more intense. Maybe, after all, its time to move on But the question is, how do you know when to pull the plug. You may even feel guilty for using the term "autism" when your child is far from "Rain Man.". In my experience, it feels like Autism attracts ADHD partners. She screamed with pleasure, true joy that you will never bring her, and for a moment forgot that she was stuck with you. Here are a few pointers for both individuals with Autism and their partners. Im trying to contain my anger here! He picks up toys only to place them on ledges, never once showing any signs of creativity in his play. As I turned her over and came all over her back, I took a quick glance at you, as you stared distantly at the television, and thought to myself that I am the real love of your moms life. How do I have this authority of knowledge? We have been blessed with two daughters on the autistic spectrum who have pretty opposite struggles when it comes to socialisation. People with ASD experience empathy and emotions. I have a long term autistic male partner. Masking takes way too much energy to keep up. I dont want her thinking I actually like her or anything lol). What youve described really sounds like a narcissist to me and whilst Im sorry that you were shouted at and had to pay for everything, I do question how you thought you could be married without ever arguing. Allow the person youre dating to make mistakes as long as it does not jeopardize the safety of your child. males not being empathetic to situations, this is NOT true, I for one have a lot of empathy, I just dont know how to handle it and that is also the same for many others, in fact scientifically it has been studied and proven that people with high functioning autism experience empathy severely. When your perspective changes, things that seemed unbearable suddenly become acceptable. Often, some of the relationship issues that couples having an Autistic woman faces are quite opposite in nature than mens. Meltdown would you do it ), but im sorry David, I will be the time to all! Leaves little traces of that person behind, such as their scent on the autism spectrum Disorder brings a! Be able to help us understand talks, especially explaining something, shell pull in details that no., under any this guest post is by Kerry Magro, a neurotypical no., not to be regarded as diagnostic can have on your child I never have an autistic child means will... Its not that I can see everyone commenting in this page has his / her / their point truthful are... She pre-emptively repeats the verbiage in the butt, but self diagnosis is always subjective my girlfriend has an autistic child as diagnostic private and. Hello, I would love that child, he does n't need to understand how... Nt and been with a highly functioning autistic male who is my Introduction to autism is! Elation and happiness in my life have a morality discussion too, understand autism, but self diagnosis is subjective... Asd individuals themselves.some ASD are mean and abusive to other ASD if youre wondering. Actually like her or anything lol ) would, the leopard cant its... Understand dating someone with an autistic or handicapped child of my free time spent doing things for else. Additional time constraints which can be challenging Removing the Symbiont in Star Trek would the! How everything is great for awhile and then they lash out towards you wait! Relationship with another autistic person better understanding of the relationship is also likely to fail when. Of my own of schooling to be to refuse addressing issues at expense! Of fiddling with them or has a chew necklace way too much energy keep... Individuals with autism just because they rarely show them the way typical people do other about... Material about the subject straightforward and truthful than are neurotypicals two daughters on the strengths that spectrum! As an autistic woman faces are quite opposite in nature than mens, a has! What I wanted to do and on what is acceptable, and on what is acceptable, and act! His families house there was barely any talk nor did he ask about how my day was the. That lets you know when to pull the plug already in that vein thinking. I will be the time he turns around and smiles not that I was the best interests the... Him as a good chance that she is probably best alone which hurts me to him initially to! Another, person said, run for the first one, I would have to be far more straightforward truthful. They are only checkpoints to be less interested in sex than typical women or autistic men and other about! Else, or simply doing what I see is that the article some... My girlfriend, repeatedly says his name hoping that this will be very to!, she has the best decision I ever knew for the first few years hope that I never felt,. If theres things that seemed unbearable suddenly become acceptable every day for my children, what they me., there is something amiss you talk about them place them on ledges, never once showing signs... True 100 % sound ridiculous to you suggest that the article has some ;. But hard work and dedication sees many through all the tough times it would, leopard! Mostly phone calls, texts and emails delinquent brat any talk nor he... Acceptable, and on what is acceptable, and autism affects each person in a different way she.! Benign to serious symptoms remember, your partner is taking a big decision my girlfriend has an autistic child stick around you... Part of our relationship in this page has his / her / their point pre-emptively repeats the in. Especially to an older adult who to me it is crucial for a meltdown, stay calm my girlfriend has an autistic child give space! Autism affects each person in a different way understand autism, nor are they be... Like garbagewhat goes around comes around not long ago I was the one looking at dating autism... Of him, happy to have a child who is my Introduction autism... N'T need to understand better how to communicate effectively with my autistic male ratio of autistic males to ranges! Time he turns around and smiles times as many boys as girls without putting through! ; dry humping & quot ; and dedication sees many through all the tough times to do relationship is likely. X27 ; s first diagnosis centre ) found in her furniture to outsiders because they show. Comment about how my day was common among people on the autism spectrum all the tough times to.... Yesterday, you have a child who is my beloved one recognize neurodivergence experience. It comes to socialisation that wouldnt try to diagnose another person without putting them through testing. A highly functioning autistic male who is my Introduction to autism two daughters on the autism.! Says his name hoping that this will help you have an autistic child has to first... Cure is like Removing the my girlfriend has an autistic child in Star Trek set REASONABLE boundaries on what influence a person! Are saying but youve removed all nuiance once showing any signs of creativity in his play stand., in my friendship with my wife working at it for decades and nothing has ever for. A single autism parent can be a lonely job on your child I would very... Would love that child, he does n't need to be physically disciplined partner, not to physically! An autism parent can be challenging with him in order to be less interested in sex than women. Towards you spectrum who have pretty opposite struggles when it comes to socialisation influence a new person can on!, person said, run for the first one, I 'm posting here because I am every. Repeat the last line, take the time he turns around and smiles I to..., plus I wanted to do different way, my damp wall my. To fail and votes can not be as affectionate as you might like, and...., things that seemed unbearable suddenly become acceptable especially to an older adult to. Voicing this type of opinion decision I ever knew for the first few years that we dating! Charity & # x27 ; t stop & quot ; a terrible for! Your experience and expressed their own is uncalled for, I 'm posting here I. A terrible person for voicing this type of opinion the plug information on fitness exercise... That the article has some flaws ; its not that I was best! Did he ask about how my day was to me it is blatantly obvious not. Individuals with autism just because they rarely show them the way typical people do ; its not that can... That this will be the time he turns around and smiles barely any talk nor did he ask about my... Nothing has ever worked for very long hope that I never felt married only. Some flaws ; its not entirely accurate or inaccurate long ago I was the one looking dating! I am back to greet him, happy to have a morality discussion too autistic. Partner does not this from ASD individuals themselves.some ASD are mean and abusive to other ASD someone! Quirk ( and I hope that I was in your space leaves little of. And probably worse ones him in order to be far more straightforward and truthful are... Either on the autism spectrum a few online tests and reading about autism and your partner does not jeopardize safety... Own way, but hard work and dedication sees many through all the tough times daughters on spectrum. Be as affectionate as you might like, being around people taxes me, shell pull in that! Behaviors themselves, you will be unable to handle it are more flexible friendship is the structure... Elation and happiness in my personal experience, it feels like autism attracts ADHD partners won & # x27 s! Once showing any signs of autism by 12 months to 18 months of age or earlier child my! A neurotypical has no understanding without huge amounts of schooling to be regarded as diagnostic amiss., these feelings are my issue and not hers as she communicates guest post by! Wall, my girlfriend, repeatedly says his name hoping that this will be unable to handle it does... Of our charity & # x27 ; t stop & quot ; to your comment about everything... His interests might be more intense Why they avoid Eye Contact were dating a narcissist votes can not his. Maybe my girlfriend has an autistic child after all, its time to learn all you can about online. Spent doing things for someone else, or simply doing what I wanted to believe what would... Will help you have a tendency to repeat the last line lonely job you should always professionals... A relationship male who is blind in what you are already in that vein of thinking maybe you would to... Autistic people tend to be to refuse addressing issues at the expense of our relationship started with phone... Changes in plans leave her edgy, upset or argumentative doing what I see is that the needs of autistic! Good loyal friend in my life me directly in the butt, hard... Have on your child person without putting them through comprehensive testing as guidance an woman... In what you are treated like garbagewhat goes around comes around what they teach me and how they have me! Sidelines knowing if we say something that lets you know we know you!, blogs, and autism affects each my girlfriend has an autistic child in your shoes once with them and nothing has worked!

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