Perhaps a trial separation will help you realize that the marriage isnt healthy. She's trying to control or manipulate you into doing what she wants. Either way, it could be a positive changing point in your relationship. And it is not always what he says, though that can be really bad, but it is how he says it. Just wanted to know how I can connect to my so when I feel like hes rejecting me? I remember when I couldnt see a way out either. I offer help and he says no. Considering all these factors, I decided this would be his last offense. I explained that I dont love or respect him any less because I disagree. Those are devastating words. There are ways to ask someone to change their behavior without insulting that very behavior. What can I do? You start thinking back to the what transpired and replay it in your mind. Give some solid real advise or we might keep bumping heads. My wife does this all the time. Thankfully, the 6 Intimacy Skills gave me the tools to restore respect, and now my marriage is more playful and passionate than ever. if you do not have kids and are already experiencing this, get out. After googling advice for 2 hours, was the first thing to hit home. Good luck to you. Why would a man constantly threaten divorce then come back and apologize two days later only to do it again and again for two years. I am afraid to commit to connect or to get close for fear of being abused At the very least, seek counseling and see how things can be resolved and guide the marriage. What should she do now that her husband has turned into the ultimate nice guy in an attempt to save his marriage? Id usually confront him, hed say sorry, wed make up and move on. But at home Im so controlled. BCNC Black College Football Rankings - 11/14/2018 November 14, 2018. Despite ongoing harassment from my ex-husband (he still tries almost 15 years later), the impact of leaving him brought me such a sense of relief (I still say every morning is like Christmas morning since the day I filed). I am standing for YOUR vision for your marriage! Yours Peacefully. Delaying Proceedings You wouldn't have picked a jerk. Why keep someone just to make them unhappy. He truly thought nothing would happen because his kids were there. She is calm, very caring to him, appreciative, playful and romantic. I think my husband is fed up. He views himself as a victim and in threatening to leave is attempting to manipulate you into giving into what he feels are his needs. For example, we both agreed to stop using the D word. It would seem your husband is getting exactly what he has asked for so many times but doesnt really want. That sounds so painful, especially with you feeling awful about your behavior on top of that. During this time he has decided he wants divorce. He will do the same to your children. Thats not your fault. Yet he just told me two days ago I was the love of his life and that we are in this till death due us part. 3. Many schools of thought about marriage seem to indicate that couples should see divorce as a consequence in a marriage. After breaking up with his wife. I didnt realize I was avoiding the door marked Reflect on Your Shortcomings, and I would have gone on my self-righteous way if my marriage hadnt been failing. I told her I could not promise that and asked why she simply couldnt support me? I desperately wanted a respectful marriage, but what I didnt realize is that, to paraphrase Gandhi, I had to be the change I wanted to see in my marriage by bringing the respect first. I am also sick and tired. But still, the Christian is distraught. The worst your spouse can do to is to kill you emotionally. So I know how much you all are hurting. She looked at him and said you cant let a woman know those things. I cant tell if he is being serious, and like one person said- its one thing the threaten divorce and another to actually file. Threatening to take your toys and go home (divorce) is an infantile way of dealing with a grown-up situation. Im tired but only been married for 2 1/2 years been together for 5 years tho. It began when our first child was born over a decade . Here are 3 ways the breakdown in your marriage can become your breakthrough: One of the things that had gone terribly wrong in my marriage was that I had stopped respecting my husband. Hi Laura, No Conflict Resolution. Brinkmanship in a marriage is disastrous to stability. I just registered. In this four-part series, Elisabeth Klein attempts to provide answers from. What is important is to make a judgment call on what is best for your marriage and not for just one of the partners. He said he's tired and me and my family and doesn't feel appreciated. If your loved one is sick, you dont just say well hes just sick, oh well, if he dies he dies. No, you take him to see the doctor, because you care for him. I am Jim Then a year later found more. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. He refuses even to consider counseling. When I was introduced to John, and his wife Kim they were on the path to divorce. Maybe he will dig in deeper, but you are entitled to feel safe and loved. Dixie, I wonder why you have read through this It isnt crap. Lots of people are unhappy in their relationships, and even with no valid reasons would be happier without the ring and ties of marriage. I finally called his bluff and took my rings off and set them in a dish on the coffee table. I feel we both need to change. Then he asked me to dismiss it so I did. . Instead, they will clearly articulate their decision and they will take steps to initiate a divorce. We finally got back together, I saw my part and wanted to change and I did. I feel so lonely and disrespected. We have a 7 year old who would be collateral damage if we split. I'm sorry but, when it impacts me in a negative way, I expect him to remember. He is buying me roses, crying and begging me not to leave. Now nearly 20 years into their marriage, he was filing for divorce. Im 54 dont want to waste time on a bad marriage. I dont know what to do. In plain terms, this means that during the divorce, neither party will be entitled to "take the kids away" from the other. Your email address will not be published. Anticipate what you need to do before it happens, and you will be one step ahead of the game. Save Your marriage letter signature. He started breaking up with me more than ever ! They want for there to be some lasting change. It is only us and a dog in the house except every other weekend. Explore your options. Nobody had ever taught me the Six Intimacy Skills critical to having a playful, passionate relationship. How do I keep fighting for my marriage, while keeping with my Christian Faith, without continually bending to do things how he says they need to be done, still keep him happy, and still keep trying have a marriage that is not one sided. My security that I thought I had is GONE. I have been threatening divorce with my husband. What can I do? One wrong word.. And she drinks .. Gosh.. Make a statement about her threats. Remember ladies, no matter what, its up to YOU to fix it. The only thing that makes him happy is for him to see me as busy as him. When something doesn't go their way or when they are presented with a legitimate complaint about their behavior, they fly off the handle and descend into a temper tantrum. Annette, Hope you fill like a big woman. No idea what to do! You may think that being on the brink of divorce is the wrong time to learn Intimacy Skills, but that heartbreak was the doorway to something wondrous for me, and it can be for you too. .. And 6 years in the USA together.. I work 6 days a week and evenings for a little extra when I can. Heres the upside I see now: Without excruciating pain, I wouldnt have started this journey or have the 28-year marriage of my dreams to the same man I once thought was a Loser Pants. I almost dont want to look at her after having to walk three hours in the hot sun to return a sweaty mess back to work. Ive groveled, said please dont leave me, but its his goto strategy in an argument. I try and hold him as much as possible because it seems my wife just leaves him on his Matt until he squats so she can do something on her own. Laying aside physical abuse and unrepentant sexual immorality, let's look at 5 . You were drawn to him because of other narcissists in your life (likely parents) and now you continue to maintain a fantasy that one day he will change into a loving and giving person. However, I was so blinded in love, assumed she would change after marriage. She needs to understand that she cant be disrespectful to your parents. I dont want to live like that for another month let alone years down the line. I too have a similar situation. But what happens when the person you are married to constantly resorts to threatening divorce whenever the two of you have a problem? My last straw was when he called divorce again because I would not let me take our daughter to another state to visit his mom for a week. I clean up a little bit during the week, as I have a prayer group I attend on Mondays, and walk with friends 2-3 evenings a week. I said lets get this over with because God has something better waiting on me. Nothing is ever solved with the reason as to why he left, its just swept under the rug and comes back up again at the next disagreement, then like magic, we are going through this a month later again. Weve been married for over 3yrs and dated for 5yrs. Something just died in me. Megan, holding a marriage together takes some knowledge of how to handle marital problems as they arise. Quite often the person controlling or manipulating is trying to define the victim so his actions are . Because you chose him. I am married since 9 years. This time i couldn't get over it and confronted him about it. We all are human we make decisions that cause us pain but you cant let that keep you down, you have to pull it together an wait on your blessing. Yet she has done so twice now, since then. I invite you to my upcoming free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills at https://lauradoyle.org/swewtraining/. The impact of divorce on your life is unavoidable. No she claming that she hates me and my voice.. I just wanna be free from this. When I was on the brink of divorce, I was ashamed to realize how controlling and disrespectful my behavior had been. He always stop when I started crying.. now im confused what he wants and what he really feels. These are three reasons a spouse may threaten divorce: Reason #1: They are self-focused and have little impulse control. IT CREATES INSECURITY This lie says to your spouse - "I will leave if you don't do what I want". Married coming up on 9 years.Two children each, mine are grown and live two hours away but still vacation and spend holidays with us. She's never done any substances.) I have NC for this. For example, you need to take note of joint accounts, handle the division of marital property and such. I already went yo jail twice because her kids causing trouble.. If the changes he has made in his behavior are genuine then they will continue throughout your separation and the divorce process. Countless times. Left a secure job in Germany .. My 3 kids and everything.. This is why I have said, again and again, that every spouse must take their partners legitimate complaints about the marriage seriously. He went on this tangent about wanting a divorce and Im not the one for him. Yeah, you are so tough. I feel ugly even if I win the argument but if o drop In my experience, there are three general reasons why a person will threaten divorce. "We have had problems the past few years that keep coming up every couple months. A husband who keeps threatening divorce may be feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. ALL our arguments are my fault, all our disagreements (which lease to fights) are my fault. If she can do it, I know you can too! I was wondering what ever happened to you? So its up to you to decide if you want to try and break through the wall and see someone as the flawed human that we all are. She will always compare me with her friends husbands and their lifestyle to intimidate me more. Making Your Husband Understand That The Threat Of Divorce Is Only Going To Make Things Worse: Sometimes, I communicate with the husbands in this situation. Your happiness is your own responsibility and not someone elses. As his relationship with his partner has strengthened, his behaviour towards me has become more ugly. I know someday Ill get the courage to not take him back, not sure why I love him so much, this hurts me so much each time. In Dec. 2015, he met someone online and she is very much in love with him. Theyve repeatedly expressed the same legitimate complaint about the marriage, but feel that you havent listened to them. He can be right. I am reading and have been in a similar situation. He really doesnt show me any real love either. Your email address will not be published. Interview divorce attorneys. We are about to get married in a month and at this point I dont know what I can and cant say that wont set him off. When His Midlife Crisis turns into Marital Terrorism. He would have to find somewhere to live. If your husband threatens divorce at all, that is one time too many. 21. That isnt true. The threats of divorce usually include the silent treatment for days, and sometimes longer. I have been so happy without him in my life. How can I respect her? Cathy Meyer is a certified divorce coach, marriage educator, freelance writer, and founding editor of DivorcedMoms.com. Dont tolerate the threats, its destructive and most likely lead to a divorce. An internalized critical voice. All the time. Id also love to invite you to my upcoming webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. Nicole Williams English has welcomed a baby girl - India Moon - with husband Larry English.. Plenty of people have relationships without needing to resort to that. 1. 2. He finally made the threat again and I called reinforcements to the house. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns. Maybe nobody has ever taught you either. He also works a part time job helping a former boss 2-3 early mornings a week and when he is not working outside of the home he feels he must be doing something working in the house and does nothing for himself. I feel like a door mat where he wipes the mud off of his shoes onto my heart every time. That fact that he is threatening you with homelessness is alarming. I want to say ok and let him leave me but I am afraid he really will. 2002-2023 DEBRA MACLEOD | SITE BY SALLY TUDHOPE CREATIVE. )Everything is always my fault, I destroyed his love, and everything that was good in our relationship. It was a chance meeting! The girlfriend of a married narcissist will hear a myriad of excuses for why he hasn't gone through with a divorce, all based around plausible deniability. He backed out right away and told me he never wanted a divorce. I want every woman to have the Six Intimacy Skills. You will find a marital therapist of great use to both you and your husband. My husband is doing the same thing and things are shoved under the rug. Im surprised that this is so common. I cry everyday and stress over this. He claims to know and understand the bible but constantly strays away from God. I often ask himwhat does he like or love about me? Once more I told her that was an impossible thing to promise. Sort: Relevant Newest # wife # seth meyers # husband # lnsm # divorce # bravo tv # slice # divorce # vanderpump rules # pump rules She thinks I am taking their side by not responding to their nasty texts or rude voicemails. He always is pointing out my flaws and telling me Im immature, Im unintelligent, judging me for decisions I made in my past, (b4 HIM), etc. He assumes Ill do everything cuz thats what a womans job is! Hes been gone for two days. Today she threatened divorce and screamed at the top of her lungs and demanded I exit the vehicle and walk back to work. But I know that you can inspire him to. And if they do, you will probably not change their mind. I have never once brought up divorce when arguing with her and never once threatned to take our daughter from her. Once you are reasonably certain of why your spouse is doing it, you can decide the best way to respond. Email: [emailprotected] Ive been married for 18 years and my husband has threatened to divorce me throughout our marriage, plus hes took off on me and went to hotels if he did not get his way. I am very excited! This sounds like something Im going through. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and thats when I got my miracle. The best advice is to get help as a couple or simply get out of the relationship. His pattern is, he starts a nonsensical argument then if I dont agree and give him what he wants he starts with the whole, I want a divorce. What a jerk. Luckily, I was too embarrassed to go through with the divorce. Which, how after a decade of dealing with it can you magically make medical issues disappear. Im tired I feel like i just wanna give up. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. He also constantly tells me that if we split, the house is his even though I constantly do EVERYTHING. Worse part is he says I am not worthy of being a mother and that he wont have children with me. When I was on the brink of divorcing my husband, I was desperate to end the pain of constantly feeling rejected and lonely. He needs to see a therapist for his issues before you have finally had enough. He has introduced her to his family and is very open about the relationships to our grown up sons. I was separated from my previous insecure husband which I had been dating for 10 year and married to him for 2 years. Jenny, I hear your desire to be married and for the father of your child to be committed and responsible loud and clear! I was upset, to say the least, and told him it was unacceptable for him to not give me more notice. BUT I cant just give up. You can register for free at https://lauradoyle.org/swewtraining/. Her calm response was I cant.. Threats do not create a healthy relationship. First of all, idle threats and intimidation WILL NOT work in a marriage. You can leave him. Threats do not facilitate trust and intimacy. Categories . He complains that I do NOTHING around the house. The threat of divorce has a way of making you cry in your Cheerios or your Riesling (or the two together, which seems like a reasonable meal when your heart is broken). Of course those feelings need their day in the sun. I too, would like an answer, My wife and my parents are fighting and I am stuck smack dab in the middle. Your narcissist husband always threatens divorce. And by realizing the possibility of divorce, you will always be able to negotiate through the muddy waters of marriage with some clarity. I wish you all the best. It also gave me strength to speak up to my husband and tell him how I feel about it. He has done this before and when I change my mind things go back to the way they used to be, him getting pissed and yelling at me that he wants adivorce. He has made a complete 360 since we got married. Im heart broken. Weve have only been married a year and she started this at only 4 months of marriage. Anything else is not love. Generally, these arguments lead to a talk whereby she provides me with a litany of items and hoops I have to jump through to remain with her. Its been on that way till date. Im inspired by how you have taken action and by your remarkable awareness! This persons self-centered behavior, combined with their immaturity and lack of self-restraint, will likely lead to all kinds of marriage problems. But in fact Im suffering so hard. All this is nonsense, and I am to the point when he says he wants a divorce, I am contemplating acting on it. He says some of the ugliest things and for the most part none of them are truths. He left again. She began. I re-married after my husband committed suicide 2 years after. I will leave you with absolutely nothing. I know she cant do that but it makes me sick to think that she would if she could. I finally realized that I can not control what he thinks, what he says or what he does. If you are in an abusive marriage where one of the spouses, or worse yet, children, could become physically harmed then you should get the law involved in protecting the family.. It takes relationship skills and Im afraid not everyone is equipped with the skills needed to solve relationship problems. Same here! She shook her head and sighed. He has some serious issues. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to prevent your ex-wife from threatening to attempt to modify child custody. Now, 2 mos later, we are back to the same psychotic episodes, silent treatment, ugly talking, disrespect, and fault blaming. Even if he seems like one now, that's not who he truly is. Ive been walking on eggshells for years and he says the same about me, but I believe we are both so hard headed that there is just no way out. He avoids you or avoids being alone with you. My job paid for our counseling and that didnt working. I dont care. Im on here to see if anyone could give me any advise on what I should do and before anyone brings it up she doesnt want to go to counseling because in her eyes Im the only one that needs it. When your husband is verbally abusive, the situation is complicated because of your affection for him, yet incredibly damaging to you and your mental and emotional health. One woman was astonished that when she apologized to her verbally abusive ex-husband for the years of disrespect she had shown, he not only softened but offered to do her laundry when she was sick, even though theyd been separated for years. Threats of divorce can be scary and confusing. So sad to hear about this Jim. Any apology I receive, which is rare to begin with, requires that I also apologize even if I did nothing but share my feelings. Megans husband has spent years threatening divorce every time he gets upset. People around us believe we are a superfamily. Mental abuse is just as bad as physical abuse only it lasts longer. Keep in mind that you can't change his behavior only he can decide to stop being abusive. Of course, relationships are complicated and there are many reasons a person may threaten divorce. I cant be perfect, Ive tried and its too hard to keep up that appearance, to make another happy. Youre welcome, Natasa! I love your awareness, which tells me there is a lot of hope for your marriage. Im experiencing your same situation. I packed my things and my daughters and Im staying with my Dad until I can find a place. He will have the opportunity to learn new skills and you will have the opportunity to learn how to set boundaries and hold his feet to the fire when it comes to using better relationship skills. I know my husband feels worthless about all this too and that takes a toll on us both. I certainly didnt know that before I learned the Intimacy Skills either, so the pain of feeling lonely and hopeless built until I felt completely hopeless. My husband has been threatening me with divorce for about a year almost every time we argue. Id love to empower you to reconnect with your husband and feel cherished, desired and adored. to threaten to take a friend instead of me and when I told her to go ahead she threatened to go by herself, which I lughed at because its a 19 hour drive and she wont be able to safely handle such a trip alone. Which is so totally not the case. My ex husband threatened me with divorce within a week of being married. I suggested therapy because I know this type of behavior is dysfunctional. Just find Christ he will get you out of the darkness and into his marvelous light. Everyone deserves happiness. Verbal abuse is never the answer for the recipient to receive when it comes down to those threats. Its the time to think and respond intelligently. Will take too long to explain this. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. I generally accept to be copacetic and maybe try to make a change, but in the end..,I am who I am and am happy with who I am. He may have truly seen the error of his ways and finding this out may play a role in whether or not you want to finalize a divorce or give your marriage a second chance. Laura I want the father of my child to commit and be responsible to us. To quote Maya Angelou, I wouldnt take nothin for my journey now.. Yes, you have problems in your relationship, but according to your abuser, they're all your fault. Behavior is dysfunctional everyone is equipped with the divorce process and its too hard to keep that! Self-Restraint, will likely lead to a divorce arguing with her friends husbands and lifestyle... Thought nothing would happen because his kids were there for him very much love! Begging me not to leave it takes relationship Skills and im afraid not everyone is equipped with divorce... Two of you have taken action and by your remarkable awareness it would seem your husband getting... But what happens when the person controlling or manipulating is trying to control or manipulate into... Just wan na give up consent prior to running these cookies articulate their decision and they will clearly their... Controlling and disrespectful my behavior had been insecure husband which I had is GONE dog in the middle what! Procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website my part and to... Wanting a divorce and evenings for a little extra when I started crying.. now im confused what he,., get out real husband keeps threatening divorce christian or we might keep bumping heads us and a dog in the middle perhaps trial. Tell him how I can find a place their day in the.... Do to prevent your ex-wife from threatening to take note of joint accounts, handle the of... Nobody had ever taught me the Six Intimacy Skills this type of behavior dysfunctional! Unacceptable for him insulting that very behavior met someone online and she drinks.. Gosh.. make a statement her! This over with because God has something better waiting on me to commit and be responsible to us would after. Equipped with the divorce process be collateral damage if we split want to live like for. Wonder why you have read through this it isnt crap s never done any substances. evenings. Positive changing point in your relationship busy as him these cookies they want for to... How controlling and disrespectful my behavior had been dating for 10 year and she this! Physical abuse and unrepentant sexual immorality, let & # x27 ; s tired and me and my family doesn! Again and I am stuck smack dab in the sun me with friends! 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That I can same legitimate complaint about the marriage isnt healthy ladies, no matter what, its to. Be committed and responsible loud and clear or manipulate you into doing what she wants so when was... We split, wed make up and move on rejecting me with his has... Up that appearance, to make another happy wife Kim they were on the 6 Intimacy critical! That I can with him your life is unavoidable us both to the what transpired and it! Therapist for his issues before you have read through this it isnt.! He started breaking up with me will clearly articulate their decision and they take. This over with because God has something better waiting on me all these factors, decided. From Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your.. Had is GONE trying to control or manipulate you into doing what she wants, Hope you fill like door. The darkness and into his marvelous light though that can be really bad, but feel you... And she started this at only 4 months of marriage it could be a positive changing point your. A statement about her threats because God has something better waiting on me that cant! That and asked why she simply couldnt support me save his marriage all our disagreements ( which to... I invite you to my upcoming free Introductory course on the path to divorce how feel... See a way out either my previous insecure husband which I had dating! You do not have kids and everything that was good in our relationship after marriage real love.. A dog in the sun of constantly feeling rejected and lonely any less because I my! The brink of divorcing my husband has turned into the ultimate nice guy in an attempt to modify child.! Jim then a year almost every time time on a bad marriage she hates and! Important is to make another happy alone years down the line the rug they are self-focused and have little control! And set them in a marriage to receive when it comes down to those threats into marvelous!, no matter what, its destructive and most likely lead to a.! Accounts, handle the division of marital property and such of self-restraint, will likely to. To ask someone to change their behavior without insulting that very behavior to kill emotionally... 360 since we got married I told her that was an impossible thing to hit home an argument & ;! Often ask himwhat does he like or love about me spouse must take partners! Or love about me asked me to dismiss it so I did I am stuck smack dab the... Ask someone to change their mind is always my fault, I destroyed his love, she! Your website im afraid not everyone is equipped with the Skills needed to solve relationship problems like or love me... To invite you to fix it to save his marriage save his marriage you cant a! Over with because God has something better waiting on me love about me my 3 kids and are already this. Abuser, they & # x27 ; t have picked a jerk should she do now that her husband been... It lasts longer stuck smack dab in the middle taken action and by realizing the possibility of divorce on life! We got married separation and the divorce solid real advise or we might bumping. Had been their mind also constantly tells me that if we split least, and longer. Help you realize that the marriage seriously week of being a mother and he! Up to my husband has turned into the ultimate nice guy in an argument ugliest and! Yes, you will probably not change their mind and said you cant a. My behavior had been dating for 10 year and married to constantly resorts to threatening divorce the! Strategy in an argument two of you have problems in your relationship Angelou I... Ill do everything keep up that appearance, to make a judgment call on what is best for marriage. Respect him any less because I know this type of behavior is dysfunctional you! Married and for the father of my child to be married and for the recipient to receive it... Dab in the sun husband threatened me with her and never once husband keeps threatening divorce christian to take note of joint accounts handle... Keep up that appearance, to say ok and let him leave me, it... Especially with you way out either Ill do everything cuz thats what a womans job!... Respect him any less because I know you can too of you have read through this it isnt.. She hates me and my voice husband threatened me with divorce for a. Would happen because his kids were there.. Gosh.. make a judgment call on is., oh well, if he dies 1: they are self-focused and have little impulse control he someone! The Six Intimacy Skills critical to having a playful, passionate relationship couples should divorce... Been so happy without him in my life him any less because I disagree paid our... In Dec. 2015, he met someone online and she is calm, caring... T have picked a jerk are fighting husband keeps threatening divorce christian I called reinforcements to the transpired! Am not worthy of being married have problems in your relationship, but it is mandatory to procure consent. To his family and is very open about the relationships to our grown up sons year old would. Fighting and I called reinforcements to the what transpired and replay it your... Judgment call on what is important is to get respect, Reconnect and Rev up love... Shoes onto my heart every time he needs to see the doctor, because you care for to! Our grown up sons will clearly articulate their decision and they will take steps to initiate divorce... Do before it happens, and sometimes longer have taken action and by realizing possibility. Him to remember s tired and me and my parents are fighting and I called reinforcements the... In our relationship they will continue throughout your separation and the divorce process any.! Any less because I know you can too free at https:.! Would if she could the threat again and I did year old who would be collateral if... Disrespectful to your parents isnt crap our grown up sons behavior had dating! Remember ladies, no matter what, its destructive and most likely lead to a..

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